Couple Therapy
Do you feel that your relationship could be so much better?
In my work with you as a couple,
I will begin by listening in order to understand what is happening in your relationship today, what happened since the beginning of your relationship, your individual histories. as well as what you hope for your future together. I will ask you questions to clarify my understanding.
I will support you so that you can express yourselves in a way that allows you to be truly seen and heard by your partner. Finally.
My goal in couple therapy is to help you express what I call "the Real Truth". The Real Truth is what lies underneath layers of other 'things' like attack, defensiveness, criticism, contempt, withdrawal, coldness. All these 'things' are Defences that are used in order to hide the Real Truth.
When a couple fights, it is because they show to each other their Defences: they either attack the other people or defend themselves from their partner's perceived attack. But underneath these Defences are real people with real emotions, and real needs. My purpose is to help you speak to each other from the place of the Real You.
The Real Truth is honest and is not threatening but few people are used to communicating like this because layers of Defences have built over years, or decades.
It becomes possible for each of you to open up to each other about your feelings and needs in the relationship. It becomes possible to say things clearly and finally be heard. It also becomes possible for you to truly hear your partner as a whole without having to defend yourself.
We will observe together what "dance" you practice in your relationship. Are there dynamics in your relationship that repeat themselves like a broken record? How can you find the choice to break out of these patterns and develop new ones?
We can also explore how to notice when your nervous systems are overheated. It is not physiologically possible to resolve a disagreement if your nervous systems are disregulated. I can give you tools based on research for you to know what is actually helpful to your couple to calm down the nervous system. It is therefore crucial if you want to find solutions to your disagreement that you 1) become able to recognise when your nervous system is not in a state to have a productive conversation 2) know what to do so that you can come back to a state of calm and become able to communicate in a way that is constructive and leads to a solution for you as a couple.
If that resonates for you, get in touch by clicking on the button below