In my work with you as a couple,

I will begin by listening in order to understand what is happening in your relationship today, what happened since the beginning of your relationship, your individual histories, as well as what you hope for your future together. I will ask you questions to clarify my understanding.

My goal in couple therapy is to help you express what I call "the Authentic Truth". The Authentic Truth is what lies underneath layers of Defences like attack, defensiveness, criticism, contempt, withdrawal, coldness. All these defence mechanisms are used to hide the Authentic Truth. 

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When a couple fights, it is because both people display their Defences to each other: they either attack the other, or defend themselves from what they perceive to be their partner's attack. But underneath these Defences are real people with real emotions, and real needs. My purpose is to help you speak to each other from the place of the Real You. 

 

The Real Truth is honest and is not threatening but few people are used to communicating in this way because layers of Defences have built over years, or decades.

 

During the sessions, it becomes possible for each of you to open up to each other about your feelings and needs in the relationship. It becomes possible to say things clearly and be heard. Finally.

It also becomes possible for you to truly hear your partner as a whole without having to defend or justify yourself.

 

We will observe together what "dance" you practice in your relationship. Are there dynamics in your relationship that repeat themselves like a broken record? You can find the choice to step out of these patterns and develop new ones.

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We may also explore how to notice when your nervous systems are overheated. It is not physiologically possible to resolve a disagreement if your nervous systems are dysregulated. I can give you tools based on research for you to know what is actually helpful to your couple to calm down the nervous system. It is therefore crucial if you want to find solutions to your disagreement that you 1) become able to recognise when your nervous system is not in a state to have a productive conversation 2) that you know what to do so that you can come back to a state of calm and 3) that you become able to communicate in a way that is constructive and leads to a solution for you as a couple.

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If that resonates for you, get in touch by clicking on the button below